I’m wary of leaders who ask too little of me, who speak to my suffering yet allow me to protect unexamined my lingering fears or grievances.

I question the motives of leaders who name my problems but don’t expect me to contribute to solutions, instead casting blame onto others, dismissing their experiences or despair as unworthy and demanding that only they change.

I’m suspicious of leaders who coddle my comfort, discouraging nuance or fact checking or contrasts between my comfortable ideas and new knowledge, deeper wisdom or worthy values.

I distrust leaders who manipulate my confirmation bias so I believe, That makes sense! when, in fact, my brain merely claims, That sounds familiar! And I distrust those same leaders who ridicule the term “confirmation bias” as elitist and discourage me from researching a concept that might be unfamiliar yet important.

I am deeply troubled when leaders stoke my fear, outrage or cynicism without demanding I explore why those feelings come so easily.

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It doesn’t matter the sector: business, religious, political, or community. If a leader wants my labor, my faith, my vote or my engagement then they must demand I be a better, wiser, kinder, less certain yet more self-actualized, more accountable, and more courageous person.

I will not embrace leaders who merely parrot my beliefs, stoke my fury or entertain my cynicism. Instead, I’ll engage with leaders who demand that I do some work, such as:

• Listen.
• Challenge my own comforts and assumptions.
• Befriend people and ideas unfamiliar.
• Hold sacred what is hard, like sorrow, heartbreak, empathy, forgiveness, hope, agency, love.
• Be disciplined, especially around living my values, keeping commitments and choosing courage.
• Welcome all.